A friend of mine is engaged to be married. Actually the real version is her boyfriend of two years shocked her into saying yes with a surprise proposal. But what do I know? I have never been proposed to, not properly at least. Anyway, she was surprised, too surprised if you ask me, but nobody asked, so I am shutting up on the matter and beginning to send positive vibes in her direction right this instant.
I am so happy for my girl. She is exactly the kind of woman I want to be, focused, dresses to kill, kind, feminine with an endearing laugh and now with a gorgeous fiancée who cannot wait to walk her down the aisle. Until she met this man though, she thought she was perennially unlucky in relationships.
But this man we shall call Sam happened, and it was like someone replaced her life with a telenovela storyline. He worshipped the ground she walked on, he did not have to be coerced or bribed into spending time with her. He actually sought her out. She has been walking on air for the duration of their dating and is conspicuously silent in our man hating sessions, otherwise known as girls’ hangout.
My belief that Mr Excellent (Mr Right is too mainstream) is about to appear around the corner is now reinforced. It happened for her; of course it will happen for me. It may not be today or tomorrow, still I have been jolted to this reality. I may not be that prepared for that level of serious yet.
Of course, I’m ready to meet the man whose quirks and faults I am more than willing to ignore for the rest of my life. But am I ready for ebigenderako? Am I ready to meet the parents for instance? It is funny how I so badly want a relationship that is serious but do not want to handle the serious things. Like going to be scrutinised by strange people who at the very best think their son is too good for me.
And then there is the delicate balancing act called having a relationship with your in laws, and then starting to learn the ways of a different family. These things scare me!
I mean, what if they hate me? What if they make my life a living hell and that after I have fallen madly in love with their son and started preparing baby names for our future children?
Rejection by one person is bad enough, but after years of it, I have learnt to cope. But for a whole clan for instance to just outright say no to me, or see me as unworthy. My poor heart cannot cope!